Coming To Terms

So today , i had this irrational , overwhelming need to cry .

All because i was watching the movie "Babe".

For those of you who haven't seen it , or don't remember it ,

it's an endearing tell of an adorable porker

who is determined to have a purpose other

than being some one's supper .

In "Babe", there is a scene where the cute

little piggy has learned the purpose of most pigs ,

in today's society , and was disheartened , and bullied (clawed )

by the every day house cat brat . (Jealous attention whore , at that . )

The next 10 -15 minutes of the movie that follow , are those moments

where i wanted to bawl . Like a big ole baby.

The farmer ( aka , the boss), tries to nurse the pig back to health.

Babe wasn't too keen on the idea , until the farmer began to sing .

The song he sang , brought back memories , of a summer spent at

camp , of a time when things were so much more simple than

college midterms and majoring in psychology.

Farmer Hoggett's Song :

(roughly the lyrics )

"If I had words to make a day for you ,

I'd sing you a morning , golden and new.

I would make this day last for all time ,

give you a night deep in moonshine."

As he sang those words , the gates unlocked.

I sang along , with hot salty tears streaking down my face

in crazy tracks of mascara and eyeliner.

I found myself longing for those simpler times again ,

wishing I was still very much a child.

I felt an ache in my chest , because upon hearing those words ,

and repeating them , and bringing the tinkling melody

back from the depths of my memory , I began to grieve.

I found myself grieving the losses that we have been

struck with this year, remembering hearing on

the day before my birthday five days earlier , a

life had been stolen , at the point of a gun .

I remembered the sinking feeling I felt in

the pit of my stomach , when just a few days ago ,

I learned of the sudden death of a dear family friend.

For the first time in awhile , I allowed myself to grieve.

I know I still have a way to go , before I can finally

come to terms with everything that has happened ,

but youv'e got to start somewhere , right?