the sweet things people say

well basically i'm posting this blog mainly
for myself ... well this entry in particular.
because it's things that people have told me , and they make me smile
and will surely brighten up my day if i'm having a bad one.

Angela :
Alexis! One of the upperclassmen I love! In choir, you were like a big sister to me and I absolutely adore you for helping me through that class. You are always so nice and sweet and funny and mad talented to boot. I love you! I miss hugging you though! You really are an amazing person and I feel so lucky to know you a...nd be friends with you. Anyone who knows you is lucky to have someone like you in there life. ♥♥♥

Stevie :
alexis i love how you are hella funny an amazing sweetheart and a huge dork you know how to make everyone smile and you are an awsome person ily stevie.

Brandon H. :
You don't take shit from anyone. That's what i like.

Heather:
I'm so glad and feel truly blessed that you decided to email me. I've come to think of you as a sister. I truly value our talks about our silly boys. I am glad that I can turn to you for anything without judgement. Someday, you are going to do great things!!

Savyy:
i like how your the coolest counsler ever!

Michelle:
I like your core inner strength... your ability to be calm in a storm, your perserverance in spite of everything, your talent with people, your kindness, your humor, our mutual love of music and your personal ability to be outstanding and awesome in a tough world.

Julie:
Thank you, dearie! I don't think you realize just how much that really meant to me...especially so close to camp when everything is beyond crazy.

Honored to know such a wonderful girl, well, young woman, such as yourself, too! ♥

Evan:
Alexis, I'll always be your little creeper. I know we don't talk as much but suffice to say I love it when we do and I love you for all your humor. You're a wonderful, wonderful woman and I want you to know that I care for you deeply. Please, take it easy. Everything will turn out wonderfully.
Love,
Evan

all is fair in love & war ...

bullshit.
nothing is fair about love .

it isn't fair that great people have to suffer
for the sheer stupidity of a select few .
it isn't fair that iv'e got to wait even longer to see my best friend.
i was supposed to see him this month. but now . i'm of course , in a double bind.
my grand parents will be here next week . i'll get to spend a week & a half with them , and then I leave for camp for a week .
theyr'e only staying for a month .
and it fucking sucks that i have to WAIT even more to see HIM!
there for , NOTHING , in my opinion ; is fair in love .
love is war.
it's not a war you wage with someone else over fallen territories and results in bloodshed & lives lost .
it is a war with yourself . you fighting to keep your sanity
just so you can have even a few moments with the person that means the most.

i now really do understand what john mayer was talking about in heart break warfare.

it's been exactly one year.

one year since i was last in a highschool classroom .
one year since i walked the stage at arco arena and got a diploma.
one year since the bbq , and being surrounded by extended family.

it's been a freaking year , and what do i have to show for it ?
a few stupid units at a damn community college .
even more uncertainty about the rest of my life.

an even deeper hole in my heart.
a realization that on june second , it's been precisely a year since the last time
i saw the boy who means the world to me.

A FUCKING YEAR!?!
it feels like he's been gone for an eternity !

i hate this feeling .
i honestly wonder if all of this bullshit is even worth it!