dreamland

*For the first time since August of last year , i didn't have nightmares.
Instead , i had one of the most amazing dreams. A dream i'd gladly have every night.
This dream came to me after i'd hit rock bottom. I fell so low , the lowest iv'e been since the day i found out and the days surrounding his funeral. I fell asleep praying, begging God to give me a sign that things would work out , that things would be okay, and most importantly that nick was at peace.*

I don't know if i can ever truly describe this dream. It was simply too beautiful and heart warming.

I don't know where i was exactly , or if i'd even been there before.
It was some kind of park, full of people. I could hear kids laughing, swings creaking, skateboards on sidewalks, and birds rustling in the trees.
It was warm there, but there were plenty of shade trees. The air smelled clean,
fresh , as if it had just rained not long ago.

I started to walk down a path that ran through the trees. I kept walking and walking,
quietly humming to myself. Off the path, i spotted a tree, massive with full heavy branches. A tree i would have happily climbed as a child.
I decided to climb it . Just for the hell of it.

I had barely touched my hand to a branch when i felt a tap on my shoulder.
I turned to see , nothing was there. I turned my attention back to the tree.
Again i felt a tap , This time on my other shoulder, and i heard a laugh.

The laugh i'd been missing, the one i wished i could hear again.
I turned around to face that person, tears streaming down my face.

Nick. My Nickety Bee.

He stood there laughing his amazing & irreplaceable laugh, smiling that beautiful sunshine smile. He looked just as i remembered him. Not a hair out of place , board in hand, and like a walking advertisement for a skateshop.

I threw my arms around him, and gave him the biggest bear hug i could manage.
"i miss you. So damn bad Nickety Bee."
He smiled & told me that he missed me , that he missed all of us.
He asked me how my mom is doing, and about my new tattoo.
He asked about his family , and i thought i saw him wipe away a tear as
he said "Thank You." still so polite.
He gave me crap for getting that nickname tattooed. "really lexisgurrrl, you WOULD. you so would get that damn nickname in a tattoo."

The smile never left his face. When he spoke,it remained in his eyes,just like Jim.
Nick walked with me , back down the path .
I was so damn happy just to get to see him again , that i could barely speak.

I felt it in my heart though. I knew he wouldn't be able to stay much longer.
I bear hugged him again , and said "Goodbye" to my Nickety Bee.
He shook his head, and told me " It's see you later silly. No goodbyes damnit!"

The sun started to set and he got on his board.
He waved to me , and skated off.
In the breeze i could still feel his presence.
I could still hear him laugh as i thanked him for visiting me.

*I woke up , with tear stains on my face & peace in my heart.
I know Nick is at peace. I know he's happy , and that things will be okay in one way or another. <3