where were you ?
i needed you today.
i miss you .
my heart hurts .
my thoughts never stop racing.
i'm still having nightmares.
i'm fighting urges to slip into my old habits.
even music can make me cry .
i'm starting to hate the things i love.
music .. art.. the things i held close to me.
they lack meaning.
or they hold too much .
i push myself too hard.
i give my all , and it's not enough .
kick boxing .. i attack it.
i don't recognize all of this stubborn ferocity .
so much is going on .
i can't process these things.
i'm scared. i'm angry .
you would help me get through it .
you always tried , always cared when you saw me cry .
your'e gone.
you can't come back .
i hate death .
it's too permanent.
it's the only thing in this life that's guaranteed.
why can't you come back ?
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